There are five different love languages that can be expressed and received, but there are usually two in which you prefer to receive (and give) love the most. Those top two love languages are how you must receive and feel loved from. It is also most likely how you innately express love too as that is how you prefer love to be expressed.
The five love languages was a concept originally created by Gary Chapman in his book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, in order to help facilitate his marriage counseling. It explains that if we are not receiving love based on our love language then we will not fully feel it. Likewise, if we are not giving love in the way others receive then we in turn will not fully feel the love we are trying to give; there becomes a disconnect.
Learning our love languages and how others express and give love will help form greater connections. The greatest connection of all is the one that we have with ourselves. Learning how to understand and receive your specific love language, will help you feel a deeper connection with yourself. Creating a deeper connection with yourself will in turn help create deeper connections with others too.
The 5 love languages based on Gary Chapman’s book are:
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Gifts
- Acts of service
As a child, how did your parents express love to you? The ways in which we either received or did not receive love growing up most likely will be the ways in which you receive and express love.
If you’ve been on a journey of learning to love yourself, then you have come to the right place. One of the best ways to express love to yourself is through the love languages that speak to you the most. You can obviously give yourself love through all the love languages, but expressing them in the ways through your own love language will fill your own cup up the most.
Physical Touch
If your love language is physical touch, then you most likely receive and give love through warm hugs, holding hands, intimacy, massages, and/or just gentle caressing. Here are some examples of ways to give that same love to yourself:
- Signing up for a massage
- Taking a bath and gently cleansing your body with a body scrub
- Giving yourself a massage with a body oil
- Dry brushing your skin
- Wrapping yourself in a warm blanket, almost like giving yourself a warm hug
- Stretching, yoga and/or moving your body in a loving way
- Giving yourself a spa day
- Cultivating a loving skincare routine
Any of these methods will be a loving reminder to help you feel more loved.
Quality Time
If quality time is your love language, then spending time with yourself can feel very nurturing. Carving out time for yourself, doing the things that lift you up and bring you joy, can make you feel special. Some ways that you can spend more quality time with yourself are:
- Taking yourself on a date
- Taking yourself out for a coffee and a walk
- Going to your favorite park and read your favorite book or bring something creative to do like painting
- Signing up for a fun creative class you’ve always wanted to take
- Taking yourself to movie, or have a movie night at home with your favorite treats
- Planning a fun weekend getaway to a place you’ve always wanted to explore
Taking time for yourself is necessary for any individual, but especially for those whose love language is quality time. Spending time with yourself will not only help you feel more loved, but will also help you get to know yourself better. The more you spend time with yourself, you’ll discover a deeper sense of who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, your preferences and desires. Your individuality and uniqueness will blossom as you learn to love the person you are, deep within.
Words of Affirmation
If words of affirmation are your love language, then you love to give and receive love and affection through words. You love when someone gives you a kind, supportive or uplifting comment or compliment. You are also sensitive to the intention and emotion behind words spoken to you. Ways that you can give yourself more love through this love language would be:
- Writing positive affirmations to yourself on sticky notes and place them around your house
- Writing yourself a love note and place it in your lunch bag or wallet
- Writing in your journal things you love about yourself and/or are proud of yourself for.
- Looking in the mirror and speaking with your hand over your heart, positive affirmations to yourself
- Setting a reminder on your phone with a positive affirmation to yourself
- Complimenting yourself and giving yourself praise
Writing yourself little love notes in any form, throughout your day, will put a smile on your face and make you feel so loved and appreciated by you!
Gifts
If gifts are your love language, you absolutely love to give and receive gifts. Behind the act of gift giving, is a a desire to express thoughtfulness. It’s demonstrating that you are thinking of that person, and that you really are listening and caring for the other person. Ways in which you can show love to yourself through gift giving would be:
- Buying yourself some fresh flowers
- Treating yourself to a latte or tea at your favorite cozy coffee shop
- Treating yourself to a spa day
- Buying yourself that thing you’ve always wanted, for a special occasion.
- Gifting yourself a small gift, that acts as a thoughtful reminder of your love for yourself. Something you can see everyday or wear often.
- Buying yourself a plant
- Gifting yourself a hair or nail appointment
Gifts can be big or small. The key behind gift giving is the meaning you’re putting into it, and the intention and thought behind the gift to yourself. The more it means to you, the more you’ll feel loved by gifting that special something to yourself.
Acts of Service
If acts of service are your love language, then you feel adoration by the things people do for you. The most powerful acts of service from others are the ones that are done spontaneously without asking. A few ways in which you can use this love language to show love for yourself would be:
- Decluttering your space
- Cooking yourself a nourishing meal
- Doing something your future self will thank you for
- Scheduling a self-care day
- Making a luxurious bath for yourself
- Volunteering
- Checking something off your to-do list
Any act of service you can give to yourself, is a reminder that you are loved and worthy.
Final thoughts
You can apply any of these acts of kindness towards yourself to begin a journey of self love. You can fill your cup up even more by focusing on the acts that speak to you the most. Each loving act will nourish your soul and help you feel loved from the inside out; creating a ripple effect to everyone around you. Prioritizing yourself, and making sure your cup is full first and foremost will allow you to more easily give love and find a richer connection with others.
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